My Renaissance by Alexis Franz
The Renaissance was a time in which literature and art were rediscovered in Europe. There was a phase of time before this, where people felt lost, and at a standstill, and then there was a sudden spark of creativity which started the Renaissance. There is one specific time for me which I would consider to be my own personal renaissance. This time took place in February of 2016, when I decided to take my life into my own hands and make a change for the better. Last February, I made the decision to end my 5.5 year relationship with my best friend, in order to obtain happiness. I was at a standstill where I had to choose him or my own happiness because I had tried for too long to have both, and in the end, I chose myself.
Throughout the duration of this business foundations class, I found myself discovering and learning things that I never even knew of. For example, I had no idea who Thomas Hood was, or that he was an extremely well known poet at that. He was the author of “Song of the Shirts”, which is a poem about an elderly lady who sewed shirts, day in and day out for her friends and family. My favorite lines in the poem was “Oh, Men, with Sisters dear! Oh, Men, with Mothers and Wives! It is not linen you’re wearing out, But human creatures’ lives!”. These short 4 lines struck an emotional chord in my heart, which made me relate to my relationship. I was 16 when I entered into a serious relationship with the guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Now you may be asking yourself, how does this poem relate to my relationship and my own personal renaissance? Well, after years of building this relationship from the ground, and giving it my all, it still seemed as if nothing I did was good enough, and everything I did, was a reflection of this guy that I wanted to be with. I was basically wearing him, I was wearing his life, and not my own.
Being only 22 years old, I have been through a lot more than most. When I was 15 years old, my parents got a divorce and all of my fathers dirty secrets unraveled, and I realized quickly that those who are closest to you, are the ones who end up hurting you the most. I was Daddy’s little girl until my parents got divorced. Shortly after the divorce, my mom moved from Utah to Rhode Island with all of my siblings. I moved with her and absolutely hated it, I was going nowhere fast besides a downward spiral to exactly that, nowhere. My parents agreed to let me move back to Utah and live with my dad. Upon continuing my high school education, I met a boy. This boy flipped my entire world upside-down and I am not kidding when I said I did everything for him. I was beyond happy with him, he treated me well, or so I thought. After a year and a half into the relationship, he admitted to cheating on me. The exact same thing my father had done to my mother, this boy had done to me. I should have jumped ship then, but I didn’t. I stuck with him, and that was my first mistake.
Everyone makes mistakes, that is how we learn. Although looking back now, after being out of the relationship for a year, I do not see it as a mistake. I made the decision to stay with him, it may have not been the correct decision, but it was the decision I made because I loved him. Just as my mother had loved my father, and that is why she stuck by his side. Granted, my mother did have kids with my father at a very young age, in fact, if I were following in her footsteps, I would be pregnant with her third child (which just so happens to be me). I chose to stay in the relationship because I thought I would have the ability to forgive him for his wrong-doings, which I did. But forgiving is a lot easier than forgetting. I could not get the idea of him cheating on me out of my mind, and it turned me into someone I hope to never be again. I did not trust hi8m anymore, therefor I questioned every little thing he did. Our relationship carried on, with the occasional fights and me being jealous and clingy, two traits that I never had before. I started college at the University of Utah, I wanted to be an ER Nurse. That was my life dream, I graduated high school on the honors roll and as a CNA, and upon graduation, I started my first career at Huntsman Cancer Hospital. A dream job for any 18-year-old who wished to work in this profession. I absolutely loved the job and had moved out into my own house with my boyfriend. Here I was, 18, making huge strides in life, strides that I do wish I could go back and change to this day.
Everything was great, I was working full time at a hospital that provided full benefits, was going to school full time, and had a relationship with this guy I wanted to be with. Then, plot twist, I would come home and tell him about my day at work, and all he would pick up on was the tone I used when talking about a specific nurse. Now, this nurse was hands-down the coolest guy I have ever met, to date. So my boyfriend then became very weary of me working here, was constantly checking up on me during shifts, and would even come have lunch with me on my break. At the time, I saw these as cute gestures, but looking back at it now, I should have seen that they were signs, and not good signs. One day I was sent home early because there was an overage of CNA’s. Happy that I was getting off early, I hurried home to find my boyfriend in bed with a girl he had previously cheated on me with. I went ballistic. Kicked them both out of our house and then completely destroyed some of his dearest belongings, I even punched a hole in the wall. After doing so I packed up all of my belongings and moved into his dads house. I left the very next day for San Francisco to see my sister. I didn’t talk to him for two weeks. He was constantly calling me and texting me and I was not giving him the time of day. I quit my job and stopped going to school, all over a stupid guy.
Upon returning home from San Francisco, I met up with him and talked it out, and I took him back. Mistake number two, although it was the same mistake that I had made the first time. We continued our relationship, and let me tell you, it was not easy. I eventually (3 years later) fell into a depression, and he seemed to be doing everything in his power to make it worse. I had never been so low in my life, I kept telling myself that I loved him and that he was going to change. He was constantly accusing me of cheating and doing this and that, when in reality he was doing it to me basically our entire relationship. I decided that enough was enough and that I needed to grow up. I needed to get my life back on track, I had my own personal renaissance. This boy was not going to change, not for me at least, and I was the best thing that ever happened to him, while he was the worst thing that had ever happened to me.
After a year of being out of the relationship, I realize that this was all just a learning process. I cannot sit back and wonder where I would be if I had left him after the first time he admitted to cheating on me because it will cause too much sadness. I am sure I would be thriving and actually be graduating from the U of U this year with my Bachelor’s in Nursing. Life is just a long learning process, where not everything one does is for their own benefit, but for the benefit of others as well. My ex-boyfriend has taught me the most valuable life lesson there is, and that is the ability to have self-love. No one is going to love me better than myself, and while I was with him, I saw sides of me I never knew existed, and no one should do that to a person. If anything, the person you are with should complement you and raise you up, not drag you down in hopes that you will crumble.
The Renaissance was a time in which literature and art were rediscovered in Europe. There was a phase of time before this, where people felt lost, and at a standstill, and then there was a sudden spark of creativity which started the Renaissance. There is one specific time for me which I would consider to be my own personal renaissance. This time took place in February of 2016, when I decided to take my life into my own hands and make a change for the better. Last February, I made the decision to end my 5.5 year relationship with my best friend, in order to obtain happiness. I was at a standstill where I had to choose him or my own happiness because I had tried for too long to have both, and in the end, I chose myself.
Throughout the duration of this business foundations class, I found myself discovering and learning things that I never even knew of. For example, I had no idea who Thomas Hood was, or that he was an extremely well known poet at that. He was the author of “Song of the Shirts”, which is a poem about an elderly lady who sewed shirts, day in and day out for her friends and family. My favorite lines in the poem was “Oh, Men, with Sisters dear! Oh, Men, with Mothers and Wives! It is not linen you’re wearing out, But human creatures’ lives!”. These short 4 lines struck an emotional chord in my heart, which made me relate to my relationship. I was 16 when I entered into a serious relationship with the guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Now you may be asking yourself, how does this poem relate to my relationship and my own personal renaissance? Well, after years of building this relationship from the ground, and giving it my all, it still seemed as if nothing I did was good enough, and everything I did, was a reflection of this guy that I wanted to be with. I was basically wearing him, I was wearing his life, and not my own.
Being only 22 years old, I have been through a lot more than most. When I was 15 years old, my parents got a divorce and all of my fathers dirty secrets unraveled, and I realized quickly that those who are closest to you, are the ones who end up hurting you the most. I was Daddy’s little girl until my parents got divorced. Shortly after the divorce, my mom moved from Utah to Rhode Island with all of my siblings. I moved with her and absolutely hated it, I was going nowhere fast besides a downward spiral to exactly that, nowhere. My parents agreed to let me move back to Utah and live with my dad. Upon continuing my high school education, I met a boy. This boy flipped my entire world upside-down and I am not kidding when I said I did everything for him. I was beyond happy with him, he treated me well, or so I thought. After a year and a half into the relationship, he admitted to cheating on me. The exact same thing my father had done to my mother, this boy had done to me. I should have jumped ship then, but I didn’t. I stuck with him, and that was my first mistake.
Everyone makes mistakes, that is how we learn. Although looking back now, after being out of the relationship for a year, I do not see it as a mistake. I made the decision to stay with him, it may have not been the correct decision, but it was the decision I made because I loved him. Just as my mother had loved my father, and that is why she stuck by his side. Granted, my mother did have kids with my father at a very young age, in fact, if I were following in her footsteps, I would be pregnant with her third child (which just so happens to be me). I chose to stay in the relationship because I thought I would have the ability to forgive him for his wrong-doings, which I did. But forgiving is a lot easier than forgetting. I could not get the idea of him cheating on me out of my mind, and it turned me into someone I hope to never be again. I did not trust hi8m anymore, therefor I questioned every little thing he did. Our relationship carried on, with the occasional fights and me being jealous and clingy, two traits that I never had before. I started college at the University of Utah, I wanted to be an ER Nurse. That was my life dream, I graduated high school on the honors roll and as a CNA, and upon graduation, I started my first career at Huntsman Cancer Hospital. A dream job for any 18-year-old who wished to work in this profession. I absolutely loved the job and had moved out into my own house with my boyfriend. Here I was, 18, making huge strides in life, strides that I do wish I could go back and change to this day.
Everything was great, I was working full time at a hospital that provided full benefits, was going to school full time, and had a relationship with this guy I wanted to be with. Then, plot twist, I would come home and tell him about my day at work, and all he would pick up on was the tone I used when talking about a specific nurse. Now, this nurse was hands-down the coolest guy I have ever met, to date. So my boyfriend then became very weary of me working here, was constantly checking up on me during shifts, and would even come have lunch with me on my break. At the time, I saw these as cute gestures, but looking back at it now, I should have seen that they were signs, and not good signs. One day I was sent home early because there was an overage of CNA’s. Happy that I was getting off early, I hurried home to find my boyfriend in bed with a girl he had previously cheated on me with. I went ballistic. Kicked them both out of our house and then completely destroyed some of his dearest belongings, I even punched a hole in the wall. After doing so I packed up all of my belongings and moved into his dads house. I left the very next day for San Francisco to see my sister. I didn’t talk to him for two weeks. He was constantly calling me and texting me and I was not giving him the time of day. I quit my job and stopped going to school, all over a stupid guy.
Upon returning home from San Francisco, I met up with him and talked it out, and I took him back. Mistake number two, although it was the same mistake that I had made the first time. We continued our relationship, and let me tell you, it was not easy. I eventually (3 years later) fell into a depression, and he seemed to be doing everything in his power to make it worse. I had never been so low in my life, I kept telling myself that I loved him and that he was going to change. He was constantly accusing me of cheating and doing this and that, when in reality he was doing it to me basically our entire relationship. I decided that enough was enough and that I needed to grow up. I needed to get my life back on track, I had my own personal renaissance. This boy was not going to change, not for me at least, and I was the best thing that ever happened to him, while he was the worst thing that had ever happened to me.
After a year of being out of the relationship, I realize that this was all just a learning process. I cannot sit back and wonder where I would be if I had left him after the first time he admitted to cheating on me because it will cause too much sadness. I am sure I would be thriving and actually be graduating from the U of U this year with my Bachelor’s in Nursing. Life is just a long learning process, where not everything one does is for their own benefit, but for the benefit of others as well. My ex-boyfriend has taught me the most valuable life lesson there is, and that is the ability to have self-love. No one is going to love me better than myself, and while I was with him, I saw sides of me I never knew existed, and no one should do that to a person. If anything, the person you are with should complement you and raise you up, not drag you down in hopes that you will crumble.